Before you start reading this post just want to tell you that this might sound like a rant post, well, because I had it enough and this is my way of conveying my thoughts to everyone.
I have worked in a corporate world for more than a decade and now I am a stay at home mom for almost 2 years. No matter how much we preach to bring women empowerment unless we agree to take our partner as an equal there is nothing that will change. These are the statement that I have heard from an educated bunch of ignorant (from both the genders)
- “I go to the office and work from Monday to Friday while she stays at home, am I suppose to take care of a kid on weekends now? I thought I married a housewife!”
- “You will teach household chores to my boy? are you trying to train him to be a housewife?”
- “Now you don’t go to the office but you still have house help, why?? “
I never understood the term or definition of a housewife. I am a wife but what’s the term housewife?? Sounds like I am married to a house (pun intended). This stupid thought made me do a google search and this is what the definition of a housewife is “a married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.” Okay, so doing housework is a mandate if I want to be qualified of being called a “Housewife”
I spoke to a dear friend and she said well there are house-husbands as well. There is a term called house-husband and here is the definition as per google search “a man who lives with a partner and carries out household duties traditionally done by a housewife rather than going out to work.” I swear, this made me chuckle. “Lives with a partner” (not married?), “Household duties” (not caring?), “rather than going out to work” (not doing housework?)…..seriously???
Okay, I might be overanalyzing the definitions but seriously, am I the only one who thinks this sounds just a tad bit unfair. Before you start printing feminist board to be pasted on this post, I want to tell you a conversation that sparked this thought in my head. Although feminism is one of the most misunderstood terms nowadays, if you understand its true meaning or essence then I am definitely a feminist.
I got a call from an old colleague of mine, with whom I worked in an office set up for some years before I willingly and happily owned a tag of a housewife or a stay at home mom. To give you the gist of the conversation, “friend” called in to check how my life has changed post I decided to “sacrifice” my career and sit at home to be with my kid. I would not have written this down had I not witnessed this situation before as well. I am going to try burst few myth bubbles of all the men or women who need a little “Gyaan” on how society decides life for me:
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Housework is mandatory to be qualified to be a housewife
I hate or absolutely detest mopping, sweeping, cleaning utensils, scrubbing toilets, doing laundry or anything else on the same line and yet I am a housewife. What is defined as a housework in my house and who would do it is my decision, please take your nose back, it was found in my personal matter.
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Your Husband has spoiled you
Going by these people’s imagination, I lie down on a sofa and eat exquisite quality of grapes while my house help gives me a foot massage and my toddler sings a melodious song for me. POP! There goes your bubble, welcome to reality. I have a toddler at home who is currently mom-obsessed and it is impossible to get time to pee in peace. I have a house help and no, I don’t think my husband has spoiled me. (Seriously? That’s your definition of spoiling a woman then I feel pity for your loved ones)
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Cooking food for your family is your job
I love cooking when I don’t have to do it every day and it is not a mandate. I cook meals as and when I want to or my family wants me to. Whether the food served on a plate is cooked with my pious hand every day or not is again is not something “you” should be worried about.
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What do you do all day
No, I don’t go to the office but it doesn’t mean I sit at home all day long. I am not going to list the things I do all day long because guess what, there is no need for it. What do I do all day is a question that you shouldn’t be asking anyone because you are not entitled to it unless you are not earning and feeding me, so to say.
Working in the office from Monday to Friday is challenging I agree, but so is managing the house. As much as you are entitled to a weekend break, so is your partner. The only way you can be equal is when you believe in it and genuinely work for it. This is what feminism is all about, giving equal importance to both the genders.
Loved this to pieces.
This sounds a little bit like me too. I hate chores. Especially any physical chore except cooking.
My husband understands that, but others in the family or friends or neighbours don’t.
I’m sharing this , atleast they ‘might’ get an insight.
Loved the sarcasm tinted in your writing!
#MyFriendAlexa #literarylehareads
great post!
ok so i am a house wife for 2 yrs yes that my max duration as i am on a break from work and i love cooking but still there are times when my husband has to cook not that he has spoiled me but because i simple have either no energy left or my toddler just won’t let me….being in house donsnt mean house work is not to be shared…
I was hooked till the end… I agree only house hold chores is not house work.. there is so much more to house work.. managing the maids is also a big work I feel.. grocery n stuff. Babies gardens n play dates n so much more to do in life
Much needed post and spot on! And those who ask what you do all day, ask them to spend a day in your shoes and see!
Bang on friend !You are right all the way through.When we stay at home its to give our child mom care .But that has little to do with housework.Those chores generate employment and help sustain families.No harm in having people help us in doing work.For the people who say husbands spoil us .I just say its God’s blessing ?
Totally loved this article. It’s so freaking true that it hurts! I quit my job to make time for myself and my family but that does not mean I am jobless and need to sit and do all the household chores. I am responsible for my home but that doesn’t make me a homemaker / housewife.
Nailed it! Detest this term – housewife. Homemaker. Mother. Wife. Yes. But housewife? There is more to a woman than cleaning, mopping and cooking. People need to understand that.
Yeah, I am a housewife and I sometimes don’t like doing house chores. ? You nailed it Momma. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us ❤
Rightly said! How my house is managed is my responsibility, same goes for my career. The problem is we have people on both ends of the spectrum but hardly any who wish to take a balanced view. Why slot any work as a man’s work or Woman’s? If it is necessary for living, both should know and do it!
It’s one of the most eyebrow raising topics and it shall stay the same. I personally feel it’s a thankless job but deserves a big kudos.
Kavita, you nailed it. It has been and I guess will remain the most controversial topic. Reason is only one. People will say thing without giving it a thought and keep on showing their superiority over each other. Unless that is stopped, this discussion will never end.
I feel, doing what we think is right for us and our family, not complaining or blaming others for our condition and moving on..this should be the mantra.
People around you make you feel guilty if you choose to stay at home & not like house work. This is so me. And it affected me so negatively. I had started worthless after a took a sabbatical. I don’t like cooking so that doesn’t make me a bad wife. Then my hubby told me I haven’t married a cook so you please relax. You don’t need any certificate from ppl . Start writing again and that’s how blogging happened and my life changed completely. So yes now I tease ppl ‘ My hubby spoiled me’?.