Motherhood
Motherhood and loneliness go hand in hand at times. As much as we enjoy the space that our little one has in our life at the same time we crave for the space we had for ourselves. I do not want to sound ungrateful for anything and everything that I am blessed with in life. But there are few feelings that are difficult to explain because we fear being judged by the people around us.
How can I feel lonely when I never get to pee in peace? Is it possible to feel lonely when I don’t get time to sleep straight 5 hours at night? How can I feel lonely when a term personal-space never existed in my life from past 2 years?
The answer is I still do.
The human existence for me stays between me and my toddler for 60 to 80 percent of the day. Bless my people who stay with me and manage to be back at home every evening to make me feel like human again.
A friend of mine asked me that I try to be out of the house almost every weekend how?? My answer never changes “because I want to remain sane”. At the cost of sounding like a bad mom, I still would like to say it does get overwhelming to stay with a tiny human being all day long and not feel like “I had enough of craziness for the day”.
My existence at the moment is limited to raising a responsible citizen for tomorrow who at the moment denies to poop in a potty seat. It is indeed challenging, physically and mentally. But this loneliness has nothing to do with tiredness and exhaustion, it is about feeling fulfilled with whatever we are doing.
.
Being at home with a baby 24*7 and 365 days a year effing hard. It hits me with the strongest of the feeling to find the identity for myself. I enjoy playing the role of everything from daughter to a sister and from wife to a mother, but amidst all that in past couple of years what I miss the most is “ME”.
After struggling with this feeling with the longest time, I made few changes in life. I cannot say that the feeling isn’t there anymore but it is not as strong as I use to feel before. There are few things that helped me in this phase and I really hope any mom going through the similar phase can find few helpful points out of these:
Do not deny the existence of loneliness:
It is real and no, it is not just because of the lack of sleep. Accept the fact and work towards it. Loneliness does not necessarily mean that you are sad all the time. It is a constant feeling of something missing in life but you can put your finger on anything.
A mommy can understand a mommy:
Believe me, I never believed in this but I have to say I was wrong. The only person who can actually understand what you are going through is someone who has been in your shoes. I am lucky enough to find a couple of moms through this digital world who knows when I need my space and when they need to lend an ear.
Friends are for life is NOT a lie:
Oh boy, I never felt this close to my girl gang. The talk is absolutely crazy with them. They are my door of escape from the mommy-hood jungle. There are few people in front of whom I can declare that at times, I hate being a mom and I know for a fact the answer would be “I hear you girl, let’s catch up for a drink”
Time Out is important:
Being in a nuclear family, this one was really challenging. Thanks to my support system I still can manage for a time-out session almost once a week. Had the support was not given by my husband, sister and brother I swear I would have been admitted to mental hospital.
This post is a link up to Deepa Gandhi and Dr Amrita Basu. I have written this post for #MondayMommyMoments.
This is to true! Like on every point I read I could relate so well!!
It is a great read.. can totally relate to all the points.. thanks for sharing this
I can understand what you are saying Kavita, being a working mom, I spend the maximum time of my day out of the house, when I carry on with my normal interactions as before. Though it is hard to manage both and at Times gets overwhelming but I think it is harder for me to stay at home. Due to relocation I was at home recently for a couple of months and I swear I found it harder to manage everything at home all alone and not being able to go out everyday. Though it is blissful to get to spend so much time with Baby but yes it does get lonely and overwhelming. I understand it challenging. Some me time and talking to people kept me sane, and writing helped
I know what you mean! I have been there and my girls kept me sane truly. They are moms too but we all need to have time out. Being a mommy all day gets crazy by the end of the day. Loved reading your post. Good one!
You spoke my heart out!!! Every single word you have penned down here is so very true. I have been there as well.
Loved reading your article. Never thought of this kind of loneliness. Parents will surely identify with what you have put up in your article.
That’s very common delimma Face by mother of new born. And very Beautifully you deal with it.
And may be this the reason why motherhood is rated so highly in our world. It’s tough and takes you through endless emotions during the journey
This is a very touching article! I have seen my mom in the period of loneliness while she was raising me and my brother. But when your child will grow up then he or she will fade away all the loneliness I am sure.
I am lucky enough to be in a joint family surrounded by people all the time hence never went through this particular phase. That said, it probably is faced by many women and this article would help them understand they are not the “only ones”.
Though I never thought it this way but every bit of it seems to be true. Heads of to all the mommies..
Kavita, I hear you..I understood you. finding “me time” is not easy with mommy role but finding a balance definitely is. I don’t think of mommy’s day out right now because I know it’s not possible. Currently my me time is when I draft my posts.
But I am happy that my time management helps me in balancing writing and mommying
I so agree with this article if yours staying with a little human is not easy and yes it goes to the level of frustration and I don’t mind being called a bad mom for the sake of staying sane and being a good mom for my lil one which he knows I am and I don’t care about the world
Also everyone in the family is so excited about babies that they forget to ask about the mother
Being a mom is so complex. We are always surrounded by d lil one butbyet we feel lonely an long for our own time. So true… loved d post
What a wonderful write up. We all go through this phase. Accepting loneliness and finding a solution for the same is so imp. I too try to take a time-out whenever possible.
I tottaly understand your situation. When i was home on mat leave for 1 year i felt the same loneliness. I believe regular socialising is needed with friends and even some me time withoutbaby is important to remain happy and healthy
I hear you!!! My situation exactly 2 years back before blogging happened in my life! And now my daughter is also grown up and independent so no more loneliness but I went through that frustrating time and surely was feeling depressed too. I understand what you say, Kavita.
Yes..I can totally feel you ..But guess what I don’t get enough opportunities to be out of this loneliness as it’s only Mr. Hubby to my rescue..But still I am lucky to get a break before I turn insane 😉
I am sure motherhood is challenging and can understand your feelings. The right support system always helps a lot.
hen I used to be depressed because of losing my identity as an individual after becoming a mom, I started writing blogs and thankfully I could take up professionally. Now I have a bigger virtual circle and an identity of my own. A choice I have taken myself.
I think loneliness is just part of life in general. I think you can make yourself feel lonely for no good reason and you can prevent it too
I can totally relate to each and every word you have written. These were my words a few months back, thankfully I found what I love to do most and now things seem under control. Spending whole day all alone with a toddler is not a joke.
This is the truest thing I ever heard.This loneliness can be very bad for our health if we don’t do something about it.Writing and connecting with friends online helped me too.
I totally agree and feel that, mommyhood gets linky and not only challenging. It’s important to put yourself first and I’m totally in agreement with you for an putting a week! Trust me we need the sanity.
This is an important topic that not many speak about for the fear of sounding selfish! But I totally agree with you, growing a responsible citizen of tomorrow while not losing your sanity is a tough task which needs to be managed and apoken about.
Oh wow! This is such a true post!!
Being a mother comes with so many complex emotions!
every mom needs her own “adult time” – it really does keep you sane, and human
This is so true! Couldn’t agree more. Thanks for sharing!
This is so true. I can be very lonely being a mom, especially while your children are little. I think it’s because they don’t really know you. They need you, want you, depend on you, but they don’t really see “you”. Sometimes that’s hard. Some days I just want someone to see me. Motherhood is a huge part of who I am now, but not everything.