Disclaimer: This blog post mentions mental health issues.
Dear readers, my heart is heavy and this is my way of dealing with it. Writing heals me. If you have ever been on this side of the road and don’t know how to deal with it then this post might resonate with you. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it does get easier to deal with, or maybe we just learn to deal with it better.
This one is for broken friendships.
The giggles and gossip, crying and hysterical laughing, there was no end to our conversations. The place didn’t matter whether it was an empty road or crowded markets, four of us together in one place was all that mattered. I was a part of that group, the one people are often jealous of. Super awesome one. A group of four girls with four very different personalities yet somehow we fit like a puzzle. We met in an organization and all of us were from different departments. In the span of eight years, we went on solo trips, countless shopping sprees, and endless coffee dates, and shared our hearts with each other.
But then life happened and it took away every part of that relationship and shattered into a million pieces.
While the other three parts of that group build themselves back together one part decided to bid adieu and move on. How do you move on from something so precious? Well, you don’t. It’s like a bandaid, you put it on in the crack of those memories. When they try to escape, you pray hard that when the next time these memories visit the tears will be dried off.
Each relationship comes with a timer and it is not easy to accept this when everything around you fills your heart with happiness. The stages of denial, blame, anger, and acceptance come and go in waves. You peel the layers of each day to find out what went wrong and how life is so unfair. Out of sight, out of mind, I tried that and it did work for a few initial months. And then out of the blue the folder you have hidden well and out of sight gets opened accidentally. Memories hit you like a storm and you want to hit delete forever. Your fingers hover over the delete button, but your heart says otherwise.
It takes a toll on your mental health
When you get accustomed to living in a certain way one tends to create a comfort zone around it. Emotions are a strong tool that brings out the best and worst in you. You never know how deeply some relationships affect you until you get to the therapy sessions. Humans are emotional beings, and learning to control these takes time and effort.
This is a reminder to anyone who is reading this and struggling with something similar, to take help. You deserve closure and keeping your emotions locked might seem like working but it hits you stronger than you think when you are in your lowest emotional state.
The human brain is a mystery in itself but you do not need to solve it on your own. Find your confidante and share the struggle, seek help.
A big warm hug to you, yes the one who is reading, the one who is finding it difficult to open up yet courageous enough to seek help.
Does it ever get better?
Gradually it starts to heal and we learn to live with the memories of happy times. Maa used to say “Beta, time heals everything” and I believe it now with all my heart. Life goes and we learn to live the choices we made. The mind and heart finally decide to work together and this change in mindset helps you heal. Instead of remembering the broken threads you start to focus on the memories of love and laughter.
I am grateful that I got to experience the pinnacle of true friendship. The memories and stories of those beautiful years will remain in my heart forever.
This is the third post for the Blogchatter Half Marathon 2023
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