I was buying some groceries and chatting with a neighbor. While we were talking, she mentioned something that made me ponder, is it really a truth or another Judgmental prick invented by society for women.
“A woman is complete only when she becomes a mom”
Really? And who is sitting on a panel to write such rules? So, going by the rule….A man is complete only when he becomes a dad?
So before it turns out to be a male bashing post, I want to clarify that this post is for both male and female who choose not to be a parent or be one, sooner, later or ever.
Two people who are in love together do not need to prove their love by bringing a child into this world. Heck! They need not prove anything to anyone. But our Indian society doesn’t work this way. We are master of poking our nose into everyone’s business. Imagine the despair of a couple who keep getting this unwanted advice from every tom, dick and harry that it is about time they should plan for a baby.
So, we have the right to judge someone’s choice of not being a parent but if the same couple tells you that your parenting skills are not up to the mark then you find it unacceptable? Talk about double standards. I really wish we respect the choice of people of their own life at-least.
Here are few statements which annoy the most and makes me go mad:
#1) “So when are you starting a family?”
Last time I checked two people madly in love are a family and another addition will increase the number of family members.
#2) “It is about time you should plan a baby”
It is about time you kept your mouth shut and let the people take decisions of their life. Be a man/woman and mind your own business.
#3) “After 30 there will be too many complications” okay, this is mostly or always meant for girls.
Thank you so much for your concern and I really understand that there is no degree required to become my guide towards family planning but I really don’t need one. I will decide when my ovaries and uterus are ready for a baby.
#4) “Job won’t take care of you once you are an old hag”
First of all, I will never be an old-hag. I will forever be young (yeah, I meant at heart!). Secondly, for your information, actually, the fact is my JOB will take care of me once I become an “old- hag”. I can save and spent without thinking twice. I would never miss a fight because a tiny human being just doesn’t want to give up the tantrum.
I know being a parent is wonderful because I am one, but believe me, the choice of not being one is equally fun too. Let the couple decide what they want in life and stop being an unwanted prick which keeps reminding them about how life would be once they become a parent.
“Life is beautiful as it is and a woman is complete without another tag of a relationship”
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I agree women is complete in herself without any tag of relationships.
Love your take that’s very true I believe in and most of us ignore in rush of life.
Brilliant thought. Beautifully expressed women. A women is complete in every sphere of life. Thanks for sharing.
We live in a judgmental society where people will have problems with anything and everything. You have expressed it so well. A woman is complete whether she is unmarried or not a mom!
this is something we are made to believe in honestly when I see young girls asking me that it must be amazing getting married and a baby instead of asking me about my job and position ….society has its own norms and benchmark of happiness you are not happy if you are 30 and unmarried !! and if you are married and sorted with no plans of baby in near future means they will judge your relationship as a couple…
You are so true ,people in this society are so jugdemental we should just ignore them as men and women both are equal .And loved this post
We are all complete and beautiful the way we are. But according to the society, we need few tags to be completed. This is a sad truth and its high time we stop tagging.
Keep the negative energery far far away. I too faced lot of criticism first for having a baby late, because I wanted to reach a certain point in career, then to leave the job and starting my own venture post baby! People only want to say nonsense!
That’s so well said. It’s all about knowing your choices and respecting others’ choices.
Beautiful writin.. agree every bit of wat u hv written…ppl shld learn to live and let live…
I absolutely agree with this! When people get married the family / friends start bombarding you with queries! When are you becoming a mum?
Being a mom is a part of me, not me!
These are some really sick remarks that our society is so fond of. They like it that way. And we like it this way.
No 1 and 2 resonate with me as we had people around us said that all the time
We took our time to plan a baby. You are bang on we dont need to be a mother to become complete.
How conveniently society loads all the assumptions on women at every stage in life.. From little girl to a teenager to a woman and to even an old woman. And honestly as per society’s norms a woman is never complete
Well written post.loved your thoughts abs bold way to tell people just mind ur own business .cudos
I agree with you on this perspective. Bold yet beautiful post.
Brilliant- especially the quote. A woman or man doesn’t need tags to be complete.
A woman is complete when she feels complete, and does not need a man or a child to make her whole. (Honestly, some people have such strange notions of parenthood that I think they ought to go out and buy a Cabbage Patch doll for themselves first, lug it around for a year or so, and then advance to keeping a pet…) It’s nobody else’s business how you choose to define your family or whether/when you add to it.
The ways of our society are truly ridiculous. I wonder why we cannot let each other in peace and decide what’s best for themselves. Also, this does not stop at marriage and kids. People keep on poking their noses in others affairs whenever they can.
I’ve had a lot of “well meaning” people tell me what a big fool I am for not having children. And lots who say “so sorry” when I tell them I don’t have children. I love the look on their faces when I say, “I’m not!!” Sometimes they don’t know how to react. I guess over time I’ve just developed a thick skin, so all these comments just wash over me. But it can be hard to deal with them.
So true! Not only is the couple badgered with questions, their parents are too. While I am perfectly happy with my children’s choice of not having kids, people around look at me with so much pity and assure me that my kids will eventually change their minds.
How unfortunate it is that every point you raised is true. These days your business is everyone’s business. If you aren’t married by “marriageable” age, you must be having a bf/gf. If you don’t have a child within 2 yrs of marriage, there must be something wrong with you or your spouse. This is typically an old “Indian mentality” which hopefully future generations will banish. Very good post!
Bang On! I agree. I just ignore such judgemental people. better to keep any kind of negative energy away. Ignorance is bliss.